Being Okay As Is
So how the hell does this even work?
Have you ever been shopping and you saw a really great item on sale but you looked at the sticker and it said ‘As Is’? There’s a little anxiety in just accepting the idea that no matter what is inside the box, you can’t bring it back. There is nothing they will do if it’s broken or missing pieces. There is no option to get a new one and you hear the snarky teacher from grade school, in the back of your mind saying ‘You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit’. Oof! That sucks but you decide to go for it anyways. Now a couple of things can happen. You can open that box and find that it’s perfect! You could find something with minor dings or
imperfections or it could be broken. No matter what though, if you bought that item, you decided it was worth it. The ‘As Is’ sticker didn’t deter you from the value. You saw potential. You saw an opportunity or the ability to have a product that you would like. You are accepting it as it is, regardless of what you can or can’t see and you’re okay with the outcome no matter what. So if we can do this with a random item in a store, that might really be useless crap, why is it so hard to accept your body as it is when you KNOW it’s incredibly valuable?! I get that buying something vs accepting something you were born with is different but we buy stupid shit all the time! You saw value in those menial things so I know there’s a reason to see value in your body.
There are a lot of things in life that affect how we see ourselves and change how we look or how we feel but our value does not change!
There is no perfect recipe or instruction manual for this but what I can tell you is my experience and the things that have helped me. To give you an idea of where I’ve been and have come from on this journey, I’ve had body dysmorphia for as long as I can remember. The first sign that comes to mind is when I was 5 years old and I got caught on my grandpa’s NordicTrack. My grandma thought I was on it just to play but she sat on the bed for a moment talking with me about why I was on it. I remember telling her that my belly was big so I needed to exercise. She tried her best to convince me that I was still practically a baby and it was normal but in my mind, it was something that needed to be fixed. This is something that has been a big deal on many days of my life since and when you add in bullying from peers, messages in the media, and all of the other messages we receive, it has not been easy.
The biggest shift I had was at 19 years old. I weighed 135 pounds and when I looked in the mirror I felt like I had thighs as wide as an elephant’s leg. According to the BMI chart this is also my ideal weight but throw that shit out the window now because it wasn’t long after I hit that weight when my parents sat me down and asked if I was sick or on drugs. I thought I was still ugly and needed to lose more weight and they were concerned that something was very wrong! I was incredibly depressed and fearful of putting weight back on and it wasn’t until then that my mom had me address all of this with a doctor. At that point, I was told what body dysmorphia is and how it can create havoc on a person. I’m actually still amazed at how many people have not been educated on it or offered any help.
But through all of this, I know that finding ways to fall in love with yourself and liking things you don’t love can feel impossible. I can also tell you that when you practice at it, it gets easier. I look back on pictures now that were taken when I was that small and I see why my parents sat me down. At the moment, I couldn’t see that my eyes were sunken in and I was far paler than any healthy redhead should be (and that’s really fuckin pale!). I did seek professional counseling to help me understand more about how I could start to be okay with my body or at least be nice to it instead of not eating, working out too much, beating on myself mentally, etc. And FINALLY, someone told me that the BMI chart at the doctor’s office doesn’t fit everyone. My counselor actually did a body composition report that showed the chart would not even accommodate my internal organ weight! How insane that we would beat ourselves up over a chart like that without even knowing all of the details?!
Anyways…It’s taken years of work on myself and how I talk to myself. There are days now when I work hard for body neutrality and there are days when no one can tell me I don’t have the right to feel like Beyonce. No matter what kind of day you’re having though, you just need to remember that it’s okay and that it’s perfectly acceptable to do the things you need to do to feel okay. If you feel like you struggle more than most, I definitely recommend seeing someone professionally to help you, even for a short while, to start seeing yourself in a different light and learn ways to see past the negative. And that’s for many things in life, not just body image. It most certainly helped me in more ways than I ever expected!
How do you start to just be okay with your body as it is?
Here are a few things that I look at and think about when I start to spiral. And yes, it can be a spiral into the body negative abyss that often feels impossible to climb out of but it’s possible! So just try them. Let your guard down with yourself just a tiny bit and see if even one of these helps.
What good does your body do for you right now? Even if it’s something like your eyes giving you the ability to see the faces of people you love every day or the smile on someone’s face at the grocery store as you pass by. Noticing the little things you like can lead to accepting or liking more.
Look closely at whatever you do love and notice all of the details that may be intriguing or pretty or something that makes that piece of you unique. When you start to spiral, go look in the mirror at that one part of yourself to remember your good qualities!
Find 3-5 things about who you are, or things that make you happy. Write them down and when you need it, pull the list out to remind yourself to focus on what you DO love instead of what you might be in your head about negatively.
Find ways to honor your body. This doesn’t have to be anything extreme by any means! Do you feel tired? Give yourself some time and take a power nap. Are you hungry? Grab a snack to fuel your body. When we honor the small things our bodies need, they serve us better and we’re happier overall.
Find ways to be kind to your body or decorate it in ways that make you happy! I was always made fun of for having ‘monkey toes’. I hated my feet for the longest time and would hide them. At some point, I decided to make sure my toes were polished all the time and I would soak my feet once a week to keep them soft. I dare someone to say something about my ‘monkey toes’ now and you’re damn right I can pick shit up with em! It saves my back too.
Remember, these are only a starting point. Being okay with where your body is doesn’t happen in an instant. You need time, you need supportive and positive people around you and you have to give yourself grace. If you find yourself on this journey to accepting yourself ‘As Is’, and you need a little back up, come join our Facebook group if you haven’t already. You can post with questions, struggles or just scroll through and there’s even the option to post anonymously! We have an entire community of women who want to help and cheer each other on so we can all live our best lives, whatever that may look like to each one of us. Check back here too because there is more to all of this that I want to share!
